TNA iMPACT! – Saturday 08/05/2010

TNA IMPACT

TNA IMPACT!

TNA Impact Report – Saturday 08/05/2010

By Raymond Mullan

Hogan-Sting: The Summit

Saturday 08/05/2010 @ 9pm on Bravo. Originally aired Monday 03/05/2010 on SPIKE!

We are LIVE! (Well since i’m in the UK – TAPED!) from the Impact Zone in Orlando, FL!

We open with a recap of last week, then we see Hogan and Bischoff from the rear view mirror of their limo bragging about their new big signing and how Hogan is going to torture Flair over this Hall of Fame ring. I’ve been avoiding the spoilers so as not to ruin the element of surprise with this new signing, please guys don’t disappoint me, if its Glacier or something i’m literally going to smash my TV set.

By the way must give kudos to the production team, i love these backstage skits filmed in the handycam/documentary style, their far more realistic and pretty different i like it alot, can’t believe they hadn’t done this before.

We join the talking heads and “Iron” Mike Tenay breaks the news that Impact is moving back to Thursday, just love how Mike can spin this to look like a positive move, gotta love Mike easily the best in the business imho.  Tonight we will see the Hogan/Sting summit where Hogan will finally demand answers from Sting as to what his motives are. Taz lets us know Sting stopped him in the corrider and told him that he will reveal all tonight.

"Nature Boy" Jay Lethal

"Nature Boy" Jay Lethal

We are interrupted by 2001 a space odyssey – it appears Naitch is gonna Walk that aisle!! …….or perhaps not *LOL* It’s “Nature Boy” Jay Lethal and he has Slick Ric’s hall of fame ring, so this is who Hogan passed the ring to! This guy Lethal is comedy gold, and his Ric Flair impression is awesome hes got the voice and everything, certainly better than AJ’s impression anyway! Lethal even resorts to knee dropping imaginary opponents in the middle of the ring, giving the customary “Shut Up” and “Fat Boy” to fans, god i can’t breath!! Hilarious stuff. Uh Oh! Here comes the real deal, Ric Flair is on his way to the ring and does not look happy.

Lethal continues with some Flair impressions, but he’s only digging himself an even bigger hole! Flair tells him he’s standing in front of god right now. Lethal tries to calm down naitch by telling him he always wanted to be Ric and Ric’s the man, and how his mother is sat at home with a tear in her eye as she knows her son has made it in the business because he’s standing next to Slick Ric. Lethal returns the HOF ring to Flair. Flair thanks him but says that that hasn’t got him out of the hole he’s dug for himself, and Flair slaps Lethal!! Ric then removes his shirt and i turn off the screenshots so as to spare your precious eyes, thank me later TNA UK fans!

Flair continues to slap Lethal, but jay has had enough and slaps Flair with force to the delight of the Impact zone! Flair and Lethal trade chops in the corner to many “WHOOOOO!’s”  Machismo with the back body drop and he puts the figure four leg lock on the Nature Boy. But here come back up for Flair, as Beer Money, AJ Styles and Desmond Wolfe hit the ring and pummel Machismo. Abyss runs/saunters to the ring.

Pier 6 Brawl

Pier 6 Brawl - Impact 08/05/2010

Each of the heels wait in turn to be punched by the big man! But the tables are turned as they all gang up on Abyss. And now here come Team 3D this is turning into a pier 6 brawl – I LIKE IT! RVD’s music suddenly hits and the crowd goes mental, wow what a response this guy is getting. Out comes RVD with a chair and chases off the heels.

We cut to the limo where Hogan appears to get a text detailing the events at the Impact Zone, they ask the driver to turn the vehicle around, Hogan is gonna kill Lethal for causing it all.  For those with amnesia we take a look back at what just happened literally minutes ago – why??

RVD shows he can’t count by asking the “four horses asses” (when theres clearly five of them) to get down here for a fair fight. Yes i know it was a play on the Four Horsemen but it dosen’t really work if theres five guys standing there, maybe i’m just being picky, whatever! Flair and co accept and another brawl ensues. The brawl spills to the outside before music hits and out comes the great Orange Ego himself Hollywood Hulk Hogan!! He gets a huge pop from the crowd and i weep for the future!.And he proceeds to take out every heel on the way (as boss shouldn’t he at least try to be impartial in these battles?).

Hogan gets the mic after clearing the ring, he tells Flair he ain’t mad about all this as the TNA fans want action and their going to get it. Hogan plays bookerman and books RVD vs TNA online poll winner Desmond Wolfe in a title match tonight. AJ Styles will take on Abyss in a monsters ball match – to which AJ yells “I don’t do hardcore matches!”. And 3D are going to be added to the Beer Money vs Motor City Machine Guns match. As Hogans old nWo music plays we cut to the rafters were we see Sting lurking – and i get Déjà vu!

We join the completely clueless Beautiful People getting ready for their title defenses tonight and complaining that they have to defend their title’s again tonight, i actually find these segments funny am i the only one?

Match 1: Doug Williams & Brian Kendrick vs Ink inc.

  • Back to the ring were we see Doug Williams (is he still the “Anarchist”?) with the TNA X Division title, as Brian Kendrick walks around like a dork in the background. Doug is furious about being stripped of the title due to the ash cloud crises and tells Kazarian he’s still the champ and he’ll have to beat him for it if he wants it, i guess we have another match for sacrifice. Williams and Kendricks opponents tonight are the new team of Shannon Moore and Jesse Neal (why is he on my tv?) known as INK inc. – nice! I told you guys Vinny Ru hasn’t entirely lost the plot yet.
  • I should add i watched this with a buddy of mine who hasn’t watch wrestling since WCW in 2001, he was visibly shocked by Shannon Moore’s punk appearance and wanted to know where the rest of 3 Count is. I was gonna tell him that Evan Karagias has pretty much fell off the earth and that Sugar Shane Helms is now a superhero but i doubt he would have believed me.
  • Neal and Williams lock up
  • trade reversals
  • Cross body block from Neal but only a two count!
  • Matt Morgan joins the commentary team, still referring to himself as “we” and demands that Hogan lets him known his sacrifice partner within 7 days or its open season on the whole roster.
  • Williams tags in Kendrick
  • Who’s first offensive move appears to be messing up Neals mohawk!
  • And Neal appears to give kendrick a horse back ride across the ring for a moment. This is weird am i watching the right show?
  • Williams tagged back in, gets neal in the corner for a pummeling
  • Neal eventually gets the hot tag to moore and Kendrick is tagged back in also
  • Huge cross body off the top from the prince of punk who then proceeds to take williams off the apron with a punch
  • Flying sidekick on kendrick, goes for the pin but its only a two count.
  • Neal tagged back in and hits Kendrick with a spear (i refuse to say “Moregasm”)
  • And we have a three count!
  • Winners: Ink inc.

Williams and Kendrick begin fighting each other but out comes Samoe Joe who destroys both of them and enters the ring, hes got a mic, his he finally gonna spill the beans on the abduction? Nope he throws the mic away and walks out.

In the back Flair removes Borash from the office but forgets to close the door and we see him take each of the guys down for their poor performances and warns them not to mess up tonight, nice segment actually.

We see a pre-recorded interview with the Hulkster apparently he didn’t expect “to have to deal with so many difficult situations” when coming to TNA – are you serious?? Says he can’t believe Sting would be the one to let him down.

Backstage we see Mr.Anderson dressed as a choir boy beating up the Pope, smashes him with a storage box repeatedly and leaves him lieing, in a truly comical moment Anderson steals pope’s glasses and makes a choir sound while putting them on facing a large light, hilarious i really dig Anderson and Pope for that matter, this should be a great fued.

Anderson makes his way to the ring.  Anderson tells the ladies and gentlemen of the congregation not to judge him for his beautiful attire, because he stands before them at a loss for words. The crowd chants “you suck” at him, and he says “forgive them father, for they know not what they say.” Great ad lib. Anderson says that he has had a revelation, and that’s that…(crowd chants “we want Pope”)…Anderson says that unfortunately Pope will not be able to be here tonight, but he has had the revelation that he will not go to Heaven, but will instead burn in Hell. Jeff Hardy’s music hits and he comes bopping down to the ring to confront Anderson. Hardy says that the Congregation and the Creatures of the Night are one and the same, and since his good friend the Pope won’t be cleared to wrestle for some time because of Anderson, Hardy says he needs a match at Sacrifice and he wants that match to be against Anderson. Crowd starts a big “Hardy” chant. Anderson is aghast that Hardy would come out here and challenge him and asks Hardy if he thinks Anderson’s not going to accept the challenge…and then says any other night is fine, but he’s busy that night. Anderson says he’s tired of Hardy and all the sinners and is going to leave, then turns around and tries to attack Hardy, but Hardy sees it coming, knocks Anderson out, rips off the altar boy outfit, and asks Anderson if he accepts the challenge for Sacrifice, then moves Anderson’s mouth for him and in squeaky voice says “I would love to, Charismatic Enigma! It’s always been a dream of mine!” Funny stuff.

Match 2: TNA Knockouts Title & Tag Team Title Match – The Beautiful People vs Tara, Taylor Wilde and Sarita

  • No entrance for Tara et all? Strange.
  • So all the knockouts titles are on the line tonight, if you pin either Lacey Von Erich or Velvet Sky you get the Tag-Team Titles, pin Madison Rayne and you get the Knockouts title.
  • Gotta love the Knockouts division some awesome matches, better than some of the men’s matches at times to be honest, some talented performers. Sure miss Awesome Kong though, btw where is Daffney at these days? We don’t get enough Daffney on impact these days.
  • Tara controls early but Lacey hits a spinkick.
  • Sarita tags in and sunset flips Lacey, but Lacey makes the tag to Velvet Sky.
  • Velvet tries a charge on Sarita in the corner, Sarita gets the boot up, and gets a flapjack for 2.
  • Sarita tags out to Taylor and suplexes Taylor onto Velvet for 2, but Velvet fights her way free and tags out to Madison Rayne.
  • Taylor goes to make the hot tag to Sarita, but Tara tags herself in.
  • Sarita is upset by this and tags herself in, causing Tara to turn around and nail Sarita, then lays out Taylor as well and follows her out to the floor as the Beautiful People drag Sarita back in and hit a double DDT for the win.
  • A truly horrible match my friends, makes me look like a liar for my earlier praising of the knockouts alot of blown spots but a nice finish.
  • Winners: The Beautiful People

Still to come tonight: the three way tag match, AJ Styles vs Abyss and Desmond Wolfe challenges RVD for the TNA World Title, all of which has to get crammed into the next 45 minutes! Oh and off to a commerical so even less than that, cutting this one fine guys.

We’re back, and Christy Hemme is interviewing Tara, who says she’s tired of this because she doesn’t get respect from anyone unless she has the Knockouts Title around her waist. She challenges Madison Rayne to put the Knockouts Title on the line at Sacrifice, and says that she’ll put her career on the line.

Match 3: Motor City Machine Guns vs Beer Money vs Team 3D

  • Only 3D get an entrance, i guess their trying to save time to get all the segments in, still seems weird.
  • Sabin and Roode start the match with a fast paced sequence
  • Storm and Shelley tagged in
  • Shelley getting a 2 count on Storm.
  • Wow this is a fast paced match, having trouble keeping up tbh.
  • Shelley tags out to Brother Devon, who nails Storm with a clothesline for 2, then beats him down in the corner.
  • Roode gets a boot to the back of Devon from the outside and tags in and starts putting the boots to Devon.
  • Tag back out to Storm and they hit a double suplex and then do the “Beer!…Money!” chant with the crowd before covering Devon for 2.
  • Beer Money work Devon over and whip him into the corner, but Storm misses a charge and Devon clotheslines Roode
  • Hot tag to Brother Ray, who comes in and cleans house on Beer Money. 3D does the Whazzup, seriously i don’t feel like i’ve been away from wrestling at all, that joke was old a decade ago!
  • The Band/Wolfpack – Hall and Nash rush the ring and attack Team 3D, and its 1998 all over again!! They throw this match out due to interference
  • Winners: NO CONTEST
  • Eric Young comes out with a kendo stick to chase off Hall & Nash and then, predictably, nails 3d with it instead, not impressed with this tbh i like Eric Young but was expecting a new face to be the third man tbh. Whatever.
  • BTW how can TNA use the Wolfpack music, surely WWE now owns the copyright to this? I understand Abyss using American Made because it was initially made by Hogan and Jimmy Harts band, but surely Wolfpack theme was an in-house WCW creation? Anyone who can answer please email me at ray@tnauk.tk

Ok its the debut of Orlando Jordan’s talk show “The OZONE”. Seriosuly uncomfortable with this angle, Orlando Jordan is just scary man, and this angle accomplishes nothing except silence in the Impact Zone. Orlando appears to conduct an interview with a cardboard cutout of Rob Terry and claims that Rob fantasizes about him, the real Rob Terry interrupts and destroys the cut out and tells Jordan not to make him come back. When his back is turned Jordan takes down terry and chokes him with a chain and then slams and obviously plastic ornament on him.

Match 4: Monsters Ball Match – AJ Styles vs Abyss

  • Abyss makes his way to the ring with weapons and begins tossing them into the ring much to AJ’s annoyance.
  • AJ jumps Abyss on his way to the ring and tosses a trash can at Abyss, but charges Abyss and gets backdropped back into the ring. Easily the one advantage of the ring ramp tbh.
  • Abyss wedges a chair in the corner, ducks a chairshot from AJ, and levels him with a big boot.
  • Abyss grabs a crutch (funny how crutches always seem to be lying around at wrestling shows huh? and takes a swing at AJ, but AJ ducks and hits the Pele kick
  • AJ comes off the ropes and Abyss just presses AJ about seven feet up in the air and AJ comes down hard.
  • Abyss dodges a leapfrog, rams AJ into the chair in the corner with a simply awesome thud and hits Shock Treatment and gets a 1……2…..oh! 2 only.
  • Abyss goes and gets the thumbtacks and pours them in the ring
  • Flair drags Chelsea, clad in a trenchcoat, down to the ring and tells her to take her clothes off.
  • Chelsea seems really upset by this request and Abyss tries to defend her, but AJ nails him from behind with several chairshots and then a springboard crossbody onto the thumbtacks for the win.

    AJ Styles vs Abyss - Impact 08/05/2010

    AJ Styles vs Abyss - Impact 08/05/2010

  • Winner: AJ Styles
  • Afterwards the heels beat down Abyss and Chelsea removes her coat to reveal that all along she had a dress on underneath and it was all a ruse. Good segment. AJ appeared to really hurt his hand on the thumbtacks upon landing

15 mins to go and we still have World Title Match and the Hogan/Sting summit to go, guess were not going to be rewarded with a 15 min RVD/Wolfe match then?

Match 5: TNA World Heaveyweight Title Match – Rob Van Dam vs Desmond Wolfe w/Chelsea

  • Tonight marks the first title defense for RVD and it will be against Desmond Wolfe who received the most votes in the new contenders system.
  • The match starts at a fast pace and RVD  keeps the early initiative for a while but Wolfe gets in a few nice counters.
  • Rob Van Dam takes back control though with a Rolling Thunder but it only keeps Wolfe down for a split moment.
  • Wolfe sets up for the Tower of London but RVD blocks it
  • Wolfe retries the TOL on the outside but RVD answers with a back kick onto the entrance ramp.
  • Wolfe charges back but ends up getting backdropped into the ring.
  • Five Star Frogsplash connects for RVD and the champion retains in a short but solid contest.
  • Winner: Rob Van Dam
Styles invokes rematch clause - Impact 08/05/2010

Styles invokes rematch clause - Impact 08/05/2010

RVD celebrates after the match but AJ Styles runs out and nails RVD and invokes the rematch clause, saying that he’s going to take the title when he gets his shot at Sacrifice.

Backstage, Hogan is checking on Jeff Jarrett, who says that he was jumped by Sting. The Hogan-Sting Summit is up next! Anyone else believe that this and not the WORLD TITLE match is the main event??

The Hogan-Sting Summit

I really think they should flip this whole thing on its head and reveal that Sting is not the Heel but in fact the only guy who knows the truth and reveal Jarrett/Hogan to be the dastardly heels in some way, would be truly awesome. I just can’t buy Sting as a heel, he’s an Icon and has surpassed FACE/HEEL statuses, the fans will cheer him no matter what. Russo should know better, he wrote for a Heel Sting in the fall of 99 and had to quickly turn him back then so they think this works now a decade later.

Hogan-Sting Summit - Impact 08/05/2010

Hogan-Sting Summit - Impact 08/05/2010

Hulk Hogan finally gets to talk to Sting but he doesnt find out a lot about why Sting has changed. Sting reminds Hogan of his WCW and WWF days and the final conclusion is that Sting is overwhelmed by the protection that Hogan has brought to TNA. At least that is what Hogan thinks about the whole situation. Hogan provokes Sting even more and goads him to hit him with the bat but Sting drops the bat as Double J makes the run in and Hogan/Sting square off. Jarrett grabs Stings bat and strikes him with it. Stings

Hogan-Sting The Summit - Impact 08/05/2010

Hogan-Sting The Summit - Impact 08/05/2010

down in the corner and Jarrett takes another swing but Hogan cuts off Jarrett  as we fade to black.

  • The Good: AJ vs Abyss, great match! Similarly RVD vs Wolfe was superb, and kudos to Lethal and Ken Anderson for their hilarious comedic roles tonight.
  • The Bad: The TNA Knockouts were notably off colour tonight. The Sting-Hogan summit revealed absolutely nothing.
  • The Ugly: Orlando Jordan, nuff said.

Would love to hear feedback on the report, the site and TNA in general, feel free to email me at ray@tnauk.tk and i’ll post your comments and responses in the mailbag section of my next report.

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About Ray Mullan
Ray Mullan is a longtime wrestling fan and Owner/Editor of TNA UK . Also a contributing writer to a number of other online wrestling media including 1Wrestling.com, Wrestle Zone UK & Lords of Pain.

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